Insanity
by DOEeyes
Summary: After spilling her story to a psychiatrist, Bella lands herself in Rockford Youth Mental Institution where she encounters individuals with problems not so dissimilar from her own. New Moon, AU. REVISED.
1. Arrival

'… _shows total disconnection with reality…'_

I could hear the gravel crunching under the tires of the cruiser as it drove down the long, soggy road towards a massive brick building, becoming more and more visible with each passing second.

'_She shows symptoms of severe hallucinations, onto which she clings as if they were reality…'_

I glanced over at Charlie, but he was staring straight ahead, down the road. It was drizzling, not enough for the windshield wipers to be on, but enough to shroud everything in a gray haze. I looked forward again and could feel my anxiety building with every passing second.

'_My formal diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia…'_

The massive brick structure drew ever nearer, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Out of the corner of me eye, I could see Charlie begin to look toward me, but he caught himself at the last moment and kept his eyes forward. I swallowed and clenched my jaw, blinking back tears. I felt a wave of nausea roll over me as the cruiser inched closer and closer to the building at a steady 20 miles per hour. Unable to bear the sight of the encroaching object any further, I refocused my gaze on the wall of red trees outside my window, appearing and then vanishing as the car moved on. The wind picked up and blew through them, causing their branches to shake and wave. I sniffed in an attempt to clear my stuffy nose. The branches kept moving, kept waving, scattering the droplets of moisture that had accumulated on their leaves to the ground. Waving goodbye to the fall, to my freedom… to me. My molars ground together even harder, but it was useless as I felt the moisture escape from my eyes. I quickly and angrily swiped it away with my coat sleeve, but it just kept coming.

'_What do you suggest we do?' Charlie asked, keeping his eyes trained on the psychiatrist. He hadn't looked at me once since he'd seen the results of all the tests she had run on me._

'_There's an institution I'm quite familiar with, right outside of Seattle. I suggest we send Bella there until we can fully assess the condition of her psyche…'_

The cruiser stopped in the middle of a wide, open field, right in front of the building. The gravel road continued before us, around a small, dry, fountain, and right up to the concrete steps which led to a large pair of double doors. Trails of ivy crept up and down the main building and the two towers situated on either side of it, displaying their final show of vibrant color before they turned brown for the winter months. If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was some fancy boarding school for the children of Seattle's wealthiest families. The barred windows on every floor, however identified it as something else entirely. I felt my heartbeat increase.

"Dad," I said, my voice raspy from disuse. It hadn't been used in a week. I tore my eyes away from the looming structure and focused them on Charlie. The tears continued to fall down my face. I didn't even try to brush them away.

"Hush Bella." Charlie said, keeping his gaze on the building before us. A sob escaped my lips.

"Dad, please—"

The cruiser door was abruptly opened and Charlie stepped out into the crisp late fall air. He inhaled deeply before he pushed the door shut and went to the back of the car to get my things out of its trunk, leaving me alone.

'_A mental institution? A _mental institution_! Dad!' I looked toward Charlie, pleading, 'I'm not crazy!'_

'_Bella…' Charlie said, a note of warning in his voice._

'_But Dad—"_

"_Damn it Bella, you haven't been yourself since September,' Charlie said, cutting into my sentence. His words were firm, but his head wasn't even turned toward me. 'If the doctor says this is what's best for you, I'm going to trust her.'_

My door opened, and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I looked up and was met with Charlie's silhouette against the steel gray sky, holding the car door in one hand and my two duffel bags in the other.

"I don't know what else to do," Charlie spoke suddenly, keeping his eyes trained forward. "I want to help you Bella, and this is the only way I know how."

"Dad, listen to me, please—"

"Stop it Bella," Charlie cut me off once again, "don't make this harder than it has to be. Let's go."

There was no way out. I put one foot on the gravel and followed it with the other and slowly rose out of my seat in the cruiser. Charlie pushed the door closed as soon as I was fully out and our feet began to move toward the building, him steering me toward the structure with a firm hand between my shoulder blades. This was it, I realized as we neared the looming doors. This was going to be my life for however long I would be forced to stay here. One of the doors opened and a smartly dressed pepper-haired woman who looked to be in her mid-fifties stepped out, followed by a fair-haired young man dressed entirely in white. I could see the woman's lips curve into a smile as we neared.

"Welcome to the Rockford Youth Mental Health Facility," the woman said as she descended the stairs towards Charlie and me, the young man following her, "I am the lead director here, Annabel Weiss. And this is Paul, one of our student interns from the University of Washington at Seattle. You must be Charlie Swan," she said, coming to a stop before Charlie and me and extending her hand. Charlie removed his hand from between my shoulders and shook Annabel's. She then turned her head towards me, the smile still on her lips. "And you must be Bella," she started, though she made no move to shake my hand.

"Yes," I said simply, tilting my head up slightly to meet her dark eyes with my own.

"How nice to meet the both of you. Paul can take your bags, Mr. Swan, and Bella, you can follow him. Mr. Swan, if you could please come with me, I believe we have a few things to discuss and a few details to sort out." The director said, turning back towards the building. Paul took my bags from Charlie, and started after Annabel. Charlie turned towards me and looked at me for the first time in days.

"I guess this is goodbye for a while, Bells," he started, grasping my shoulder with his hand. I nodded and cast my gaze downwards, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. Charlie cleared his throat and sniffed slightly. "I wish there was another way, but—"

"Mr. Swan, Bella, if you could please follow Paul and I," Annabel called from the door, interrupting Charlie. I heard my father give a sad, short quasi-laugh, and the hand on my shoulder once again relocated to the space between my shoulder blades and gave me a small push as we once again moved forward. We ascended the steps, following after Annabel Weiss and Paul who had since disappeared into the building. We crossed the threshold of the double doors, and they closed with a resonating bang behind us.

And that was it.

* * *

"So where'd you say you were from again?" Paul asked conversationally, carrying one of my bags in each hand as he led me down a wide hallway with a number of glass doors leading to what looked like lounges on either side of it. My shoes made no noise on the hardwood floors as I followed him.

"Forks, sort of," I answered, refusing to look anywhere but ahead of me.

"Forks? Never heard of it. I'm from California, born and raised just outside Sacramento," Paul continued on, either not noticing my discomfort or not caring. "Came to UW Seattle for the mountains though. I could've gone to Colorado, but my aunt and uncle live in the city and I didn't want to be too far from family. Here we are," Paul stopped suddenly in front of a section of the hallway wall made entirely of glass windows. Through the windows I could see a mass of people, all seated at long tables, eating. "This is the cafeteria. It's around mid-lunchtime, so you can go ahead and grab a tray if you're. Your hallway's group session is right after lunch in that room down there," he pointed to one of the lounges, "so just go there after you're done, okay? Susan will take care of you after that. If you get lost or anything have someone contact me and I'll come find you." And with that, Paul kept on walking down the long hallway, leaving me alone in front of the cafeteria.

I could hear the loud chatter of people from outside the cafeteria, and when I opened the glass door and stepped inside, the sound was amplified. It was a large room, with a salad bar and hot food area on one wall, the far wall being composed entirely of windows, and row after row of long tables placed uniformly throughout the room. I stood at the entrance for a moment and took in my surroundings. A few people had looked up at my entrance, but they had almost immediately gone back to eating their food, disinterested. My stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought of food, so I instead made my way through the rows of tables, searching for an empty area to sit in until lunch was over. Heads turned as I walked past the tables, but I refused to make eye contact and instead kept my eyes forward, though my cheeks were burning. After a few minutes of searching, I located a table by the window wall that has a small group of three sitting at its far end, but was otherwise unpopulated.

I sat down on the opposite end of the group, and snuck a glance at them to see if they noticed my presence. A dark-haired girl and two boys, one blond and one brunette, sat chatting with each other, though it seemed to be the boys that were doing most of the talking. The girl's head was turned toward the windows, chin resting in her palm. She would glance at the boys briefly if one of them said something to her, but her gaze always turned to the grassy expanse behind the building and the red forest beyond it. Occasionally she would itch at what appeared to be white bandages covering her wrists, but I couldn't tell from my position.

Looking away before they noticed my staring, I focused my eyes on a clock occupying the wall across the room, and stared at the hour hand as it slowly progressed toward one o'clock.

It was my fault I was in this situation in the first place. After months of waking up to my screams in the middle of the night, Charlie had insisted that I start seeing a psychiatrist after school. At first I told my doctor nothing, but after a few weeks I decided to tell her the barest details about the truth concerning why I felt responsible for the 'incident' as she called my breakup, and little by little, the stories about the Cullens, about what they were, and about what I'd seen began leaking though. It felt good; to have someone to talk to and confide in about the things I had been through over the past year or so. I didn't realize what I had done before it was too late. The psychiatrist had taken my stories as delusions and coupled it with my apparent detachment from my surroundings and other varying 'symptoms' and diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia. No amount of attempted convincing on my part could alter her decision, and when she told Charlie, things got bad. Bad enough to land me in a youth mental facility. I didn't talk to anyone for a week after Charlie made the decision.

The ringing of a bell startled me from my musings. My eyes refocused on the clock, and made the observation that I had spent nearly half an hour brooding over my circumstances. People around me began to move out of the cafeteria, and I followed, making my way toward the lounge Paul had pointed out to me earlier. As I entered the room, I noticed the dark-haired girl from lunch sitting in one of the large, comfy looking chairs placed in a semi-circle around a two chairs at one end of the medium-sized room. She was staring out of the window again and did not look up as more and more people began to enter the room, all of which were female. I chose a chair a few spots away from the dark-haired girl, sat down, and waited.

A short time later, all of the spots were almost taken. It was then a dark-skinned woman who looked to be in her thirties strolled in the room with a tiny, mid-teens black-haired oriental girl by her side, followed by another girl dressed entirely in white. The black-haired girl was smiling at something the woman had said, and gave her a quick hug before claiming the last chair and curling up in it. The woman and the orderly seated themselves in the chairs at the focal point of the semi-circle, and after a short conversation between the two, the group session began.

"Good afternoon ladies, I hope your morning went well. We have a new addition to our group today, and so we'll go around the circle and introduce ourselves. I'll start," the woman said and looked at me. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as every single individual in the room turned to face me. Everyone save for the girl from lunch, that is. She continued to stare out the window. "My name is Susan, and I am one of the doctors here at Rockford." Susan said, smiling. I nodded my head awkwardly in her direction. The orderly introduced herself as Hannah next, and the names continued with the black-haired girl, Allie, and onto the next individual and the next until the only person who had not said anything was the girl from lunch. An awkward pause ensued as it came to be her turn, yet she said nothing and continued to stare out the window. Susan cleared her throat.

"Miss Hendrick," the orderly said, drawing the dark-haired girl's attention toward her. She blinked a few times as if coming out of a daze, and cleared her throat.

"Yes, Hannah?" she asked, her voice disinterested. Hannah nodded in my direction, and the girl's face turned toward mine.

"We have a new individual in our group, would you care to introduce yourself to her?" Susan asked kindly. The dark-haired girl nodded in my direction. She was extremely pretty, and made me feel slightly self-conscious just by meeting her pale-green gaze.

"Lyra," she said simply, and turned her face back toward the window. Susan nodded and turned towards me.

"Would you like to introduce yourself to the group, Miss Swan?" Susan asked, encouraging me with a smile. I cleared my throat.

"Uh, sure," I said awkwardly, "my name is Bella."

"And where are you from, Bella?" Susan asked.

"Forks," I said, and at Susan's questioning gaze, I added, "it's near Port Angeles."

"Can't say I've heard of it, but let's get started." Susan said, and started the group session. The focus of the day was on everyone's childhood and how they'd grown up, and I soon found myself drifting away from the conversation into my own thoughts. Time passed rather quickly after that, and soon another bell rang, signifying the end of the session. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to find that three and a half hours had passed during the time we had been seated.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Susan showed me around the first floor of the building until it was time for dinner at eight o'clock, Allie tagging along for the entire thing. Rockford was surprisingly well equipped, with a pool, a computer lab, and a gymnasium. Dinner passed quickly enough, though I still didn't feel like eating anything. Allie kept me company throughout the meal, chattering about anything and everything that came to her mind. After the meal was over, Susan found me once again and took Allie and me up to the third floor of one of the towers, which contained two hallways of dormitory-style rooms and two bathrooms where the separate hallways met.

"I believe most of the boys and girls are up from dinner and in their rooms already. Bella, you're just down the hall there in 307. I think your roommate is already inside," Susan said, pointing to a closed door. She turned to the petite girl who had not left my side since Susan had given me the tour of the first floor of the building. "Allie, it's time for bed," she said in a gentle voice, laying an arm over Allie's shoulders and steering her away down the hall. The smaller girl's brow creased for a moment before a small smile formed on her lips.

"Bye-bye Bella!" she called as Susan began walking her away, "See you tomorrow!" I raised my hand in an awkward farewell and turned toward my room. Susan had said that I had a roommate, something I hadn't really been expecting. I started toward 307.

The girl I would be sharing this room with had to have been in the group session earlier, Paul had told me that all the people from my hallway would be there. I ran through their faces in my mind. When we had been discussing our childhoods, all the girls had seemed pretty normal, but then again, this was a mental facility. I paused in front of the solid oak door and breathed deeply as I stared at the brass door handle. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, maybe this girl would be someone like me, who was here due to a misunderstanding. Maybe…

I steadied myself and turned the doorknob, pushing at the wooden structure and standing in the space between the hallway and the room, staring at the individual inside. A pair of pale green eyes stared back at me, completely apathetic. I swallowed.

"H-hi," I started, stepping into the room and closing the door behind me, "I'm Bella, Bella Swan." My roommate continued to stare, eyeing me as if I were a piece of produce to be inspected before buying. She sat on one of two twin beds in the room, the other being occupied by my two bags, dressed in a simple white cotton tee-shirt and black athletic shorts. Her long dark hair was drawn back into a high ponytail, yet it still reached her upper back. She raised her hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and my attention was drawn to the white bandages adorning her forearms, reaching from her wrists to her elbows.

"Lyra Hendrick," she stated, voice completely monotone. I continued to stand in the space between the door and the beds awkwardly.

"It's nice to meet you, Lyr—"

"What're you in here for?" She interrupted, still appraising me with her eerie eyes. I gave a short, uncomfortable laugh as I moved forward to sit on the bed nearest to me, pushing my duffel bags aside to make space.

"Well…" I started, looking down at the white sheets on the bed and letting another uncomfortable laugh escape my throat. I heard Lyra shift her position on the other bed, waiting. I cleared my throat. "Uh, the doctors diagnosed me with, um, schizophrenia…" I trailed off, chancing a glance up at my new roommate. She had repositioned herself so that she was laying on her side facing me, her head propped up by one of her hands.

"What kind?" She prompted. I could hear a slight change in her voice, she sounded almost… interested.

"Paranoid," I answered. "What about you?"

"Same," she said, sitting up, intrigued. "How'd they diagnose you?"

"Uhh…" I started, feeling extremely awkward. How do you go about telling someone that you told your psychiatrist your ex-boyfriend was a vampire?

"You're already in a mental institution Bella," Lyra said, interrupting my thoughts, "There's not much more anyone could judge you for."

"Well, I, uhm… Sort of told the doctor that my ex-boyfriend was a vampire, among other things…" I cast my eyes downward again, preparing myself for her mocking laugh I was sure would follow my confession. What I got instead was a choking noise. I looked up to find a horrified expression on Lyra's face.

"Wh-what… did you just say?" She asked, her voice weak. I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Vampire?" I offered hesitantly. Her face went pale and her mouth hung open in mute shock. "What's wrong?"

Lyra swallowed thickly and drew her mouth shut, her eyes blinking a few times, trying to clear away the tears I saw forming there.

"A vampire… ate my family…" She started, raising a hand to swipe distractedly at the tears threatening to fall, "A-and… he told me that he'd hunt me down after giving me a head start and… kill me too…"

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

After a very, very long hiatus, I've decided to re-write this story! It straight up sucked before, I couldn't even stand it. So here you are, a very heavily revised first chapter! No promises when the next one will be about, but I'll do my best to make it snappy... or something. Sorry it's not very long, I'll try and work on that in the future.

Love it, hate it? Review and let me know. I'm fireproof.


	2. Risks

I felt my body stiffen completely.

"Excuse me?" I asked uncertainly, my voice quivering, "Did you just…"

"It's the truth," Lyra said, a defensive tone entering her once monotone voice, "It's not a lie."

I shook my head in bewilderment, trying to sort my thoughts. "But… A vampire wouldn't attack a family and… eat them…" My mind's eye immediately flashed to the kind and loving faces of Carlisle and Esme. I couldn't imagine them hurting a person, much less an entire family.

"I don't know what type of _creatures_ you think they are," Lyra spat out, "but they're evil, Bella. They'll always find a way to cause you heartache in the end, and they'll get you where it hurts the most."

I swallowed thickly, my retort dying in my throat. Lyra's words hit home for me. In the short period of time that I had known them, the Cullens had become the center of my universe, and when they disappeared, they left a massive hole in my chest that couldn't be filled. I thought of James. He, too, had wanted to take what was most precious to me: my mother, and when he came to avenge my death, Edward…

Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward. The hole in my chest turned into a chasm, so wide and deep it threatened to swallow me whole. I clutched at my chest, the physical pain of it causing my breath to come and go in short pants. I stared at Lyra, slightly hunched over, and she looked back at me with a confused and slightly concerned expression on her face.

"Bella, what—"

"My boyfriend was a vampire," I said, cutting her off. I could feel the chasm widening, the danger increasing, yet I went on. "His name was Ed…" I swallowed and took a deep breath, attempting to get the name past my lips. I could feel my heart disintegrating into a million tiny pieces, but I plowed on. I needed to tell someone and know that they would believe me. "Ed-wa-rd. Not long after we first met we ran into a nomadic coven, and their leader tried to kill me but he didn't succeed and was killed by the Cullens, Ed… Edward's family." I licked my dry lips and maintained eye contact with Lyra. I could see in her face that she did not quite understand yet, but that she was listening. "In September, on my birthday, Edward's sister, Alice, gave me a small party, just the Cullens and I. It was going well until I… gave myself a paper cut from the wrapping paper on a present. Alice's mate, Jasper, couldn't take the sight of my blood and he lunged at me. Edward stopped him, but I got hurt in the process… I think it was then that he decided he didn't want me anymore.

"He took me out in the woods behind my house and broke up with me. I tried to change his mind, but his mind was… unchangeable. He told me he didn't want me, and he left. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. I tried to contact them, the Cullens, to apologize, to do something, but… they had moved. Gone. They changed their address, their telephone numbers, emails, everything. I was alone." I halted in my storytelling, unable to go on. My body felt as if something were trying to dig out my heart from my chest, and I clutched at it, trying to keep it behind my ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head, unable to look at Lyra any longer. I had gone too far, I realized. The pain was trying to swallow me whole.

"Bella…" I heard Lyra's voice sound out, the tone distinctly sympathetic. "Bella, I'm sorry. To be abandoned, left for death or… insanity… I think I can understand."

Lyra's words washed over me and a small sense of camaraderie was left in their wake. The vast loneliness I had felt since September slowly began to recede and I found myself looking up to meet my roommate's cool green gaze.

"Tell me," I choked out, my hands still clutching my chest. Lyra closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, allowing her head to dip back briefly before her eyelids slid open and she focused her pale stare on me once again.

"My family and I have… had… a lake house in northern Washington. There isn't anything around that place for miles. We always go up and stay there for a week or so at the end of August, right before the start of the school year. Every year since I've been born, my mother, father, and two sisters would stay there. Just the five of us. This year wasn't any different.

"It was the night before the day we were supposed to leave when it happened. One of my sisters, Lily, heard a tapping noise on the outside of the house when we were all in the sitting room. It scared her, so my dad went to go check what it was. When he didn't come back after ten minutes was when the four of us knew something was wrong. My mother gathered my sisters and I to the corner farthest from the door, but it didn't matter. When I saw him walk through the door, nonchalant and chin dripping with my father's blood, I knew it was over.

"He was on us in a second. My mother had tried to shield us with her body, but he… he killed her easily. I tried to protect my sisters even though I knew it was useless. I felt my body being picked up and thrown across the room. I hit my head, and everything went dark. When I came to I remember being surprised that I was alive at all, and from what I could feel, relatively unharmed. I turned my head, and I saw the carnage and… _him_. He apologized for the mess and told me his name was William Moore. And then he advanced on me.

"I don't remember much after that, the paramedics later told me that I had a severe concussion. What I do remember is him telling me that I was beautiful, and that he liked a good chase from time to time. He told me that he'd find and come for me, kissed my hand, and left.

"Everything in the lake house was destroyed; the phone cord had been completely ripped out of the wall and my cell phone had no reception out there. They told me that I must have wandered through the woods for days before I came upon a road and a passing car stopped to help me and called 911. I told everyone what happened but they wrote me off as having gone crazy. My aunt only had to hear the doctor's suspected diagnosis before she booked me a room here. Though this place is much better than others I've heard about, I'd much rather be on the run.

"I've tried to escape a couple of times, but never got very far. A few days ago I snuck a plastic fork from dinner and did this," She extended her forearms towards me, showing the white bandages that ran from her wrists to her elbows. I swallowed thickly, observing them. The bandages were pure white and unblemished, but I knew something ugly and deformed was beneath them. "But when I passed out I knocked over the lamp on the nightstand and the orderlies found me when they came to investigate the noise." Lyra gestured to a lamp on the small table between the two beds. I glanced at it briefly before turning my gaze back to her. "I've been on near-constant supervision since."

"How can you talk about this so easily?" I asked, feeling slightly uneasy at her expression, which had long since retreated to its apparent default—apathy. Something flashed across her green gaze, but it was gone in a second.

"I don't feel much anymore," she started, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "disappointment, fear, anger, indifference... there isn't much else. I've told the story so many times to so many audiences, and no one believed me. I almost stopped believing too. My dreams, though... They remind me every night of what I've seen. And of what is coming."

I felt a chill run down my spine at her dispassionate words. What she'd seen, and what or _who_ would be coming. I felt an anxious tug in my abdomen. "William, you mean?"

"Yes," Lyra responded. Her voice wavered slightly and she cleared her throat. When she spoke again, her words were tinged with fear. "I think he wants to make me like him. Maybe. Or eat me. I don't know which one I'd rather have happen."

I could feel the fear and nervous energy building up in my abdomen. If and when the vampire found Lyra, I doubted he'd stop at killing just her. I voiced my concern. Lyra was silent for a moment before she spoke again.

"I never thought of that…" she started, voice hesitant. Her eyes were boring into mine. "I know what he's capable of. I've seen what he can do, Bella. Killing everyone in this place wouldn't even be a problem for him; he'd enjoy it all that much more." The fear in her voice increased with every syllable she spoke. The intensity in her eyes was becoming unbearable. "It's a waiting game and I'm nowhere _near_ his level! I have to leave, I can't just _sit_ here and – "

"It wouldn't matter," I interrupted, dropping my gaze and relocating it on her bandaged arms. "It wouldn't matter where you left to. If he's half as determined as you say, he'd find you no matter where you went."

"But if I didn't tell anyone where I was going, then – "

"Your scent. Everyone has one. If a vampire is focused enough on it and if you touched _anything_ _anywhere_ you went, he might be able to track you down." I interrupted again, cutting off her speech.

"Are you positive about that?" Lyra fired back. I kept my eyes on the white bandages.

"No," I admitted, "But from what I've seen, if they're set on it, they'll do anything to find you. _Anything_. It's just like you said. To William, this is a game. The harder you make it, the better it is to him. He's got forever to live; it doesn't matter if he has to torture people to find out which _direction_ they last saw you going. Vampires like him… they'll do it, and they'll enjoy every second of it." I heard a sharp intake of breath on the bed opposite to mine.

"I…" Lyra whispered, her voice weak, "I don't know what to do."

I glanced back up to my roommate's eyes and was shocked to find moisture beginning to gather there. She closed her eyes as it began to fall, her body slumping boneless onto her bed. Her eyelids opened slowly and she fixed her sad, pale eyes onto my own brown ones.

"Maybe your Cullens could help?" she asked in a dejected voice. The hole in my chest began to open again. "Alice, maybe?"

I offered her a sad smile and shook my head.

"I don't have any way of knowing where they are or how I could even contact them." I began, lying down on my bed. Lyra's horizontal gaze kept with my own. "It's like they never existed."

Lyra heaved a deep sigh and closed her eyes once more. "I don't know what to do," she started, "my days are reduced to my wondering at every single moment, wondering if the next second is when the monster will come for me, and I feel trapped. It's a half life on good days and unbearable torture on the worst."

"I don't know what to do either," I said, staring across the gap between our beds at the dark-haired girl. One of her hands came up to cover her eyes.

"I don't want to die, Bella," she said, "I know I've done awful things to myself, but I don't. I swear I don't." I nodded my head, feeling my cheek scratch against the cotton bed sheets.

"I don't either." I said, "We'll figure it out. There's got to be other options… there always are."

"Yeah…" Lyra said, rolling onto her back, "Yeah, you're right."

* * *

The next morning dawned dark and hazy with the potential promise of snow. I awoke from a restless sleep to find Lyra, in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, gazing out the window at the foggy fields below. I shifted in my bed and she turned towards the noise of it.

"It's so dark today... It always makes me nervous when the sun disappears." She said, turning from the window and sitting cross-legged on her turned-down bed. I sat up, attempting to run a hand through my knotted hair.

"It's always dark here," I said, grabbing a brush from my bag and running it through my hair, "but some days are brighter than others."

I heard Lyra hum in either agreement or indifference, I couldn't tell which.

"Bathrooms are down the hall by the elevators," she said suddenly, uncrossing her legs and standing from the bed, "you'll have to be quick, though. Breakfast is soon." And with that, she turned back toward the window and resumed searching the tree line beyond the Rockford grounds. Taking this as my cue to leave, I gathered my toiletries and padded out the door.

The bathrooms were fine; they were clean enough, though I wouldn't make the mistake of walking on the off-white tiled floors barefoot again. When I returned to my room, I quickly pulled on a pair of black leggings, a crew-neck sweatshirt and my converse low-tops.

"Ready," I called softly to my roommate. She nodded, turned from the window, and we walked out of the door.

* * *

Breakfast was an awkward affair. I was quickly introduced to the two boys I had seen Lyra with the previous day. Lucas, the lighter-haired one, was pleasant, if not a little cynical while the darker-haired Nick didn't seem down in the least and only slightly manic. After stumbling through introductions, our section of the table was mostly silent, save for Nick's animated chatter about the weather, the newest batch of orderlies, etc.

"That Paul character, though, I've heard some not-so-good things about him." Nick stated as he finished the latest section of his tirade, leaning back on his stool. His dark eyes swept across Lucas and Lyra's impassive faces, obviously wanting a reaction. Getting none, he turned them to me.

"Uh," I muttered, feeling awkward under his black gaze, "why's that?"

Nick grinned rather wolfishly and leaned in from the other side of the table. Unintentionally mimicking his body language, I found out faces mere inches apart as he began to speak in a low voice so as not to be overheard. The lowering of his voice was unnecessary, though, seeing as we were the only four people occupying the end of the long table.

"Well," he began, glancing at Lucas and Lyra out of his peripheral vision, "Allie told me the other day that he'd cornered her in the hallway on her way to midday group. She'd gotten caught up you see, something about helping the kitchen staff clear off the tables. Anyway, he saw her, right? So he asks her what she's doing out there alone when she's supposed to be in group. The poor girl said she tried to explain the situation and _that's_ when Paul pushed her up against the wall and asked her if she wouldn't like to go somewhere else and hang out with him, seeing as she was already late for group and all—"

"Allie is an attention whore and a pathological liar," Lucas cut in, pushing the remnants of his breakfast around on his plate, "did you honestly believe anything she was saying?" Nick recoiled at this, cutting his gaze over to Lucas in a half-glare.

"Well, why not?" The dark-haired boy asked, folding his arms on the table and leaning towards the sandy-haired boy, "There have been accusations before, and some of them have turn out to be true. What if Allie is actually telling the truth?"

"That'd be a first," Lyra commented, pushing her plate away from her. She spared Nick a fleeting glance before turning her attention to the windows. Nick scoffed and turned his attention back to me.

"Think about it," He started, leaning forward once more, "Allie's the perfect person to target, no one would believe her, and she has no self-esteem. She'd probably do next to nothing to stop him from doing whatever he wanted, poor girl. She weighs like 90 pounds too, she's practically defenseless."

"Did she say if he ended up doing anything to her?" I asked, openly curious. If this was the same Paul that had walked me to the cafeteria yesterday, which it probably was, he hadn't seemed bad at all. Then again, the hallways had been nowhere near empty then. The corner of Nick's mouth twitched upwards; he was obviously pleased that I was following along with his story so well.

"She said he managed to cop a feel before he heard another orderly coming. Apparently he escorted her to group after that and told her to keep her mouth shut."Nick picked up his plate as he finished his story, motioning with his head towards the front of the cafeteria where patients were beginning to dispose of their plates and form lines. The bell had probably rung, and I must have been too caught up in Nick's story to notice.

"Allie's full of shit Nick, you know that." Lucas said as he stood and followed the dark-haired boy with his plate. Lyra and I did the same.

"Maybe," Nick said, his voice decreasing in volume as we became surrounded by patients and orderlies alike, "but the look on her face when she told me makes me a little unsure it was just another story she'd made up to get attention. Speak of the devil."

I glanced up to see Paul stride into the cafeteria and stand with some of the orderlies who had begun to gather at the room's doors. He greeted his fellow students jovially and cast his eyes out into the crowd of patients. The corner of his mouth hitched up in a grin I could best describe as slightly predatory, and he winked. I followed his gaze, my breath catching slightly when I saw who he'd been staring at.

"Tell me you didn't just see that!" Nick whispered at my back, his hands clutching my upper-arms in excitement or anxiety, I didn't know which. There, staring back at the tall blonde student, dark eyes wide and lips parted in an expression of shock and slight horror, was Allie, seemingly frozen in her spot among the crowd of patients and their lines.

I swallowed hard as I looked back at Paul, who had diverted his gaze and was now staring directly at… me. My mouth went dry as I quickly ducked my head and moved behind Lucas. Perhaps rogue vampires weren't the only terror I would have to deal with here at Rockford.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**It's been awhile! School's busy, but I've finally uploaded the latest chapter of this revamped story, hope you all enjoy!**

**Love it? Hate it? Leave a comment and let me know!  
**


	3. Struggles

"Today, we will be talking about recent struggles." Susan's clear voice announced to the post-lunch group. I shifted in my armchair and glanced to my right at Lyra, who was looking at Susan and not out of the windows for a change, and then allowed my gaze to slide to my left toward Allie.

The past few days had made me feel like an elder sibling to the smaller girl. After witnessing the interaction between her and Paul during my second day at Rockford, I had made it a point to make sure she was never alone. Inviting her to come along with Lyra and I whenever our floor wasn't in group was the most effective solution I had come up with, though it definitely wasn't the most accommodating. Nick and Allie got along well enough with their constant chatter and were quite satisfied to be each others center of attention, but for Lucas and Lyra, the younger girl's attention-seeking personality was more of an annoyance than anything. They had taken to sitting on one side of the table at mealtimes, either quietly chatting amongst themselves or going about their meals quietly, while on the other side of the table Allie sat between Nick and me, usually chatting animatedly with the dark-haired boy about everything under the sun. Occasionally I was included in their manic conversations, but more often than not I found myself conversing in quieter tones with the opposite side of the table.

"Lyra, let's start with you." Susan said, straightening up in her chair and smiling in an encouraging way across the room, "What is something particularly trying that you've had to deal with in the past week or so?" Lyra toyed with the end of her long, black-brown braid with her slender fingers as she appeared to contemplate her answer.

"I tried to kill myself five days ago." She stated bluntly.

Though she didn't give state her reasons to the group, I knew them quite well. Aside from Paulm there was also the looming danger of William. Though Lyra had been spending less time inspecting the tree line beyond the Rockford grounds lately, I knew her tormenter couldn't be far from her thoughts. I was beginning to see the way the stress of her situation wore on her in the way she began to feel uneasy if she was in one area for too long. She never slept through a full night and as a result there were dark circles under her eyes she didn't even bother trying to cover up.

Susan's smile faltered and the head of the female orderly at her side snapped up, her eyebrows shooting into her hairline. Lyra observed their reactions stoically.

"Ah, y-yes well, I won't ask how you resolved the situation, but I will ask what you've learned from it?" Susan responded, shifting in her seat ever-so slightly. Lyra remained silent for a moment before she spoke.

"The easiest way out is almost never the right one." Her voice was steady as she gave her answer. Susan nodded approvingly.

"Wise, Miss Hendrick, very wise, and words to live by without a doubt." Susan turned, her attention now focused on me. "Let's continue with you, Bella. What is a recent struggle you've had to deal with?" I resisted the urge to squirm as the stare of every individual turned in my direction.

"Um," I stuttered, shifting my eyes downward, "B-being here, I guess. I'm not having as hard of a time acclimating as I thought I would, but it's still…" I glanced at my roommate, her green gaze meeting my own, "… hard. It's still hard." I averted my gaze back to Susan. The smile was back on her face, and she nodded sagely.

"How do you plan on resolving this problem, Bella?" She asked, her hands folding over a notepad in her lap. I held her steady gaze and mulled over my answer.

How was I going to resolve this problem? The hard part wasn't being away from Forks or from my family, it was getting used to the fact that at any moment a homicidal supernatural being could come through the front doors and claim the life of every soul in Rockford. There was also the possibility that a certain orderly was potentially preying on the female patients, and who knew if Paul was the only individual doing this? It was a very real possibility that there could be others at the institution going after broken-down, defenseless girls. My eyes blinked rapidly, drawing me back into reality.

"I suppose," I started, shifting in my chair again, "I don't really know how I'm going to resolve my issues. I guess I'll have to come up with solutions as I go that will help me and those around me." Susan's smile remained, but I could tell she was disappointed with my answer.

"Practical, but not quite as specific as I would have liked. Please let me know what you decide to do, I am quite interested." Susan said, her smile still in place. I nodded, pressing my lips together in a half-hearted attempt at smiling. As the dark-skinned woman paused to jot down a few notes I felt a cool hand slide into my own and squeeze it. Shocked, I turned toward its owner's pale gaze. Lyra's lips quirked up into a small grin, and with one final squeeze, she retracted her hand. I stared at her for a moment before allowing a steady, small smile of my own as an unspoken message passed between us.

_We'll find a way._

"Allie," Susan said suddenly, calling attention to the small girl, "what is a recent problem you've had to deal with?"

I turned my stare from Lyra to Allie, watching as the younger girl pulled her legs in to her chest. She had been smiling before, but now her expression was guarded and unsure. She looked so small and breakable in the armchair, and my heart went out to her.

"I don't like being around certain people," Allie said, sounding as uncomfortable as she looked. Susan raised an eyebrow.

"Who would these people be?" Susan asked, leaning forward slightly. Allie squirmed in her chair and glanced toward the door as if expecting her 'problem' to come barging through it.

"S-some of the orderlies make me uncomfortable," the small girl said, dropping her eyes to a spot on the floor. Susan's brow furrowed as she continued to observe the younger girl's behavior.

"Allie, the orderlies are here to help both you and the doctors; they don't want to hurt or make you uncomfortable in any way." Susan said, leaning back in her chair again. "Now, how do you plan to resolve your feelings of discomfort?"

My jaw clenched and I felt a surge of protective instinct toward the oriental girl and general feelings of irritation toward Susan. The doctor meant well, but she had no idea what she was talking about.

"I won't go around the one that makes me uncomfortable," Allie said, encircling her legs with skinny arms. Susan's smile faded and she shook her head.

"Now Allie, what did Miss Hendrick just say? 'The easiest way out is almost never the right one'. Think about that and what _you_ can to resolve the situation. Now, moving on – "

"Susan," Allie said suddenly, looking back up at the psychiatrist, "W-what if this time, the easiest way out _is_ the right way? I… well, I mean, j-just not going around him could be the best thing to do… Right?" Susan sighed and looked as Allie, the ghost of a smile still on her lips.

"Perhaps it is the right way out of your problem, dear. You'll have to be the one to decide that, however." Susan nodded once, and continued on. Allie hung her head, placing her forehead on her knees. On some instinct, I reached out to her as Lyra had done to me, grabbing her small hand. Her almond-shaped eyes looked back at me, questioning. I smiled and patted her hand, albeit a little awkwardly.

"We'll get through this," I whispered, glancing back at Lyra. She nodded, one corner of her mouth turning up. I turned back to the small girl on my left, who was gently squeezing my hand. "We'll find a way."

* * *

"Change it," Nick demanded, lounging across two-thirds of one of the couches in the T.V. room. Allie occupied the last third, Nick's head resting in her lap. Lucas cast a somewhat irritated look back at him from his position on the floor, his back leaning against the front of the couch.

"No." The older boy stated simply, turning back to the local news currently playing on the television. I sighed from my position in an armchair. Dinner had come and gone, leaving us with some free time before we had to return to our rooms. Most of the patients were scattered in various locations on the first floor, many of them occupying the T.V. room. The five of us, however, were the only ones surrounding the television.

"This is boring. I bet there's a great movie playing on FX. We could even change it to the National Geographic Channel or Animal Planet; I know how much you love your nature shows," Nick said, reaching out to ruffle Lucas's hair. Lucas swatted the younger boy's hand away but kept his face turned toward the television. From her spot beside the sandy-haired boy, Lyra looked up at Nick, arching one dark eyebrow.

"You're acting like a four-year-old," she stated, the barest hint of teasing in her voice. The dark-haired boy caught onto it and grinned.

"And you, missy, are acting too much like an adult. Isn't that right, Allie?" Nick looked up at the tiny girl's face. Allie looked back at him, smiling and nodding as she patted his forehead. The dark-haired boy winked at the younger girl before returning his gaze to Lyra. I smiled to myself, watching the two banter back and forth on the merits of immaturity versus those of maturity. I closed my eyes for a moment, and could almost imagine that I was back in Forks, hanging out with friends on the weekend. My smile widened as I began composing my imaginary world, making it more and more complete, building history between the five of us, fabricating our could-have-been lives…

"… _animal attacked and killed a hiker just north of Seattle last night, severing his jugular…"_

And just like that, my fantasy faded and I was jerked back to the real world, my eyes springing open.

"Turn it up," I demanded, interrupting Nick and Lyra. Lucas shot me a confused glance but complied immediately. The pretty young woman on the television screen continued to speak.

"_Authorities are proposing this could be the work of a mountain lion or perhaps even a grizzly bear, though the telltale claw marks that would identify the attack as work of one of the previously mentioned predators are nowhere to be found. Police are entertaining the idea of homicide, though no formal report has been released yet. Back to you, Tom." _The image switched to a middle-aged man behind a news desk who offered his condolences to the hiker's family before switching to a different topic. My blood ran cold.

"That's so sad; my auntie says you should never go anywhere in the wilderness alone 'cause you never know what could happen." Allie said to no one in particular. Nick hummed in agreement, his head still in her lap.

"How right you are, my dear Allie." He sat up and turned his attention to Lucas. "_Now_ will you change it to something more interesting?" The sandy-haired audibly sighed in annoyance, but complied. My eyes, wide as saucers, barely registered the channel being changed. The last time I had heard talk of an animal attacking and killing a human had been during my short stay in Forks and the culprit hadn't been an animal, but a monster…

"Bella?" Lyra's voice inquired from her position on the floor. My wide gaze travelled to meet her own. Her brow furrowed for a moment before she understood. Pushing off the floor, she walked hastily over to me, grabbing my arm and hauling me out of my chair. "We'll be right back," she called over her shoulder to our three friends before leading me to an empty corner of the T.V. room. I tried to form words, but the sudden wave of fear has seemingly frozen my vocal cords, reducing my sentences to single-syllable utterances.

"W-we… he… h-he's… it's _him_." At my words, all of Lyra's breath left her body in a single audible '_whoosh_'. She leaned against the wall for support, sliding down it when her legs began to shake and could no longer support her. I followed suit, sitting down cross-legged and slightly hunched over.

"Are you sure?" Lyra asked after a moment, her voice quiet. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, attempting to clear my head and think rationally. Doing my best to gather my wits, I spoke.

"Not entirely," I said, the fog of terror beginning to lift from my mind and allowing me to think somewhat coherently, "but I'm sure it was one of _them_ who did that," I nodded toward the television, placing my hands in my lap and meeting Lyra's worried stare. "Jugular torn open but too neat to be an animal… I've seen it before. Remember the nomads I told you about?" Lyra nodded. "That's how they first made their presence known in my town… they killed one of my dad's best friends. It's like a pattern…"

"Could the hiker have been attacked by one of the nomads do you think?" Lyra asked, almost begging. I considered her question. James was dead, but I had no idea where Laurent or Victoria were. It was a possibility I had not yet entertained. The attack fit their style, but who was to say they were the only ones who hunted and killed their prey in that manner?

"Maybe," I began. Lyra breathed an audible sigh of relief, letting her head fall back against the wall with a dull thud. "But I don't know," I said quickly, "It might be him, it might not be him. Either way, the attack is a little too close to us for comfort and coincidence, don't you think?"

"Bella, please…. Please just tell me he hasn't found me. Please." Lyra said, her green eyes trained onto my own brown ones. I wanted to reassure her; I wanted to tell her that it really was just some wayward grizzly bear or mountain lion who had stumbled across the lone hiker. The reality and dire nature of the situation, however, prevented me from doing so.

"I don't know," I reiterated, dropping my head when I couldn't bear to look at my roommate's distressed face any longer, my voice coming out in hushed tones. "I hope you're right."

* * *

The next morning, I was called to Rockford's clinic just before breakfast. Sitting in a chair in the waiting room and staring at my outstretched feet, my mind went through a million possibilities as to why I was where I was.

The room was stark white. Everything from the tiled floor to the receptionist's uniform had a sterilized appearance. The lack of contrast coupled with overly-bright florescent lights shining overhead stung my eyes slightly if I opened them too wide, forcing me to take on a sort of half-lidded stare.

"Isabella Swan?" A male voice sounded out. I glanced up to see a tall, middle-aged man in a doctor's coat leaning out of a door in the corner I hadn't previously noticed was there. Catching my eye, he smiled. "Right this way, Miss Swan, I'm ready for you." Pushing myself out of the chair, I walked to the man, my footsteps echoing in the near-deserted room. As I neared him, he offered me his hand. "I'm Doctor Palmer, your assigned physician," I shook the appendage, nodding, "today we'll be talking about your medication."

"Wait, what?" I stopped in my tracks, halfway through the door. The doctor looked back at me, nodding.

"We were going to wait for a while to assess your condition, but I'm afraid one of our orderlies saw you have something of a breakdown in the television room last night after dinner," he said, his voice slightly patronizing. I felt a wave of anxiety roll through my body. "And not only that, but when Miss Hendrick attempted to diffuse the situation, I hear that she too became distressed? She's such a fragile girl, Miss Swan. I'm assuming you know she tried to take her own life about a week ago?" I nodded dumbly, eyes wide. The doctor mirrored my nod, and grasped my shoulder, pulling me through the door. "As I said, she's a very fragile girl, and we're afraid your delusions will spur her to make another attempt."

"They're not delusions," I protested, stumbling behind the doctor, his hand still around my shoulder. He ignored me, however, tugging me into a medical office and closing the door. I heard the lock click, and I began to get nervous. "I'm not schizophrenic! I never even got a brain scan to prove whether I am or not! I don't need any medication!" Dr. Palmer glanced up at me from where he had taken a seat at a desk stationed the room's corner.

"Isabella," he began, pronouncing my name like it was something to be dealt with in a cautious manner, "I understand your feelings of frustration, but we have to think about Lyra. Do you _really_ want to be the factor that drives her to the ends of her wits?" I recoiled at his words, horrified.

"Look," I said, my anger rising, "she slit her wrists because there's something coming after her to _kill her_. I'm not pushing her toward _anything_, and I don't need medication for a neurological disease that _I don't have_!" The doctor continued staring at me, and I easily detected the judgment in his eyes. Belatedly, I realized that I shouldn't have taken his bait and allowed my anger to get the better of me. If anything, it was only increasing the certainty in his mind that I was a neurologically unhealthy individual.

"I see," he said, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands in his lap, "please have a seat so we can discuss the matter further." I bit my tongue to stem any further protests and did as the doctor asked. He appraised me for a moment before opening a desk drawer and pulling out a pad of prescription papers. He took a pen from his breast pocket and began writing on one.

"As the antipsychotic drugs I'd like to start you on won't begin to have their effects for seven to fourteen days, we're going to give you a pill that will temporarily disrupt the flow of dopamine in your brain, hopefully stopping your delusions and reducing the risk factor for your roommate." Dr. Palmer said as he wrote. My brow furrowed as I thought about what he was saying. I knew disrupting the flow of dopamine in the brain of a schizophrenic would be a short-term solution for their symptoms, but for a normal person…

"Dr. Palmer," I began, attempting to sound as level-headed and diplomatic as I could, "I'm not schizophrenic; disrupting my dopamine levels will –"

"Cause you to experience psychosis? Smart girl. Yes, for a neurologically healthy individual that would be the case, but Isabella, you are, unfortunately, not a neurologically healthy individual." He finished writing the prescription and tore it from the pad. I shook my head in disbelief.

"Please," I began, my eyes following him as he reached for a phone in the corner of the desk, lifting it off the receiver. "Please, just give me a brain scan. _There's nothing wrong with me!_" The doctor pressed a single button and waited for a few moments, ignoring me.

"Yes, it's Dr. Palmer; yes we're ready, please bring Isabella Swan's medication to my office. Thank you, Paul." I froze at his words, praying to a higher power that I had misheard the name of the person Dr. Palmer had been speaking to. The taller male turned back toward me, something that almost looked like sympathy in his eyes. "I'm sorry Isabella, but this is for your own good, truly it is. If you cooperate, this will be much easier for all parties involved." I shook my head mutely, my horror mounting when I heard a soft knock. The older man quickly rose from his seat and crossed to the other side of the room in a few short strides, unlocking and opening the door. I kept my gaze trained on the empty space Dr. Palmer had previously occupied, unwilling to turn my head and face the orderly who had just entered the room.

"Here's the medication, doctor. Do you need any assistance?" A voice spoke from behind me, one I had heard before on my first day at the institution. I heard the doctor clear his throat before he spoke.

"I may; either way I'd like you to escort Miss Swan to the cafeteria after we're done here so she may resume her breakfast. Isabella," my head turned slowly toward the doctor, my eyes focusing on the individual standing next to him. Paul openly stared back at me, his expression giving me the impression that he was expecting to be entertained. "Isabella, look at me please." I obeyed, my body operating on autopilot, my mind reeling. "Open your mouth." My eyes locked with those of the doctor, and I shook my head slowly.

"I'm not taking that," I said, remaining seated. Dr. Palmer sighed, advancing toward and kneeling in front of me.

"Paul, if you would," the doctor began, waving his hand at the university student behind him. The sound of the door being shut and locked reminded me more of a gun being loaded than anything. "Now Isabella, there is an easy way to do this, and a very difficult way to do this. You're a smart girl; I trust it wouldn't take too much imagination to picture how unpleasant this experience could be if you continue to be disobedient." I looked at the older man in shock. I could feel the terror rising up in my throat, threatening to manifest itself in the form of a terrified scream. With Paul blocking the door, the only way I would be leaving the office was if I obeyed the doctor's orders. I didn't have a choice. "Open your mouth," the physician reiterated. I obeyed. "There's a good girl," I felt a small tablet being placed on my tongue, its bitter taste disgusting. "Now swallow."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Two updates in the same month?! RECORD. Practically unheard of. But real talk, I'd like to quickly clear up a few things about dopamine; an excess of dopamine in the brain causes psychosis and/or schizophrenia. In real life, a disruption of the dopamine flow/levels in an individual's brain would not temporarily alleviate their symptoms as it does here, my apologies if this fabrication offends anyone in any way. Also, though antipsychosis medication does take a while to have the desired effects on a patient's symptoms, to my knowledge, additional drugs usually are not prescribed to the patient while they wait for their principal medication to start working. If I'm wrong on any of these points I apologize, please correct me!**

**EVERYONE'S PICTURE IS UP IN MY PROFILE. Go check it out! Beware of Jasper's sexiness.  
**

**Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!  
**


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